This was written in my diary last year August 29,19. With these challenging times things are really getting to me so I love to go back and read my journals. It really helped to read my own thoughts. I am amazed how these insights really relate to me still today.
Owning a yoga studio is hard! It takes a lot of time, energy and passion. So why did I? I can not speak for my daughters who were my partners but for me I only had one motivation. I simple loved yoga and I envisioned a yoga community in our beautiful little town.
I invested a lot of money but it was not my intention to make a lot of money. I am going through a tough time with my mental health and I am also nervous of becoming as sick as I was six years ago. I Am Yoga Studio became my safe haven. A place to build love and somewhere "like minded ones" could connect. Not only for myself, my family and friends but also for our small community.
Did I succeed in this vision and dream? Yes and a thousand times more than I expected. Did I succeed in making it profitable? Absolutely not. Do I regret any of this? No. There is not one cell in my body that feels regret.
Did I make a difference? Yes I did. We all did! My daughters, Sarah and Brittany and I created a beautiful yoga community in our little town. We offered amazing workshops with amazing teachers. We made connections with not only people in our community but with yogi's around the world.
I went for it! Did people tell me it was a bad idea? Of course so many people in fact I could not even begin to write them all down. I put myself out there more than I ever thought I could and went head first into something that at the time was scary and new. But I also gained so much insight into who Georgina is. I taught yoga and lost my fear of public speaking and opened the only yoga studio in Sicamous. It became the place where yogi's walked in the door and expressed that it was there happy place.
Now the tough question's. Did my dispute with my new landlords bring on this failure? Did it cost me financially? Did it cause mental anxiety? Yes of course. I felt stressed, sad and beaten down. This loss came at an awful time when I had lost my dear sweet friend Shannon and was grieving her loss. I began to carry resentment towards people who I felt I could trust. It was a huge fuck up. I do know however that I also learned a lot during this time.
I learned that a handshake agreement means nothing to some people. I learned that my trusting heart is not going to get what it expects. I learned that when people say "it is not personal it is business" that it really is about the business and that I am the only one taking it personal. I had a life lesson in trusting the wrong people and that my vision was never their vision. I now see after much time of reflection of how I was pursuing a dream and vision with the wrong people.
I learned that letting go really sucks. Losing a loved one or something you took time to create really hurts but even with this I still have no regrets. Life can be amazing and beautiful, but half the time life does suck and that is just how life is. It has now come to the time to find a new way to pursue the passion and vision in this next phase of my life.
The new question now is this. Now what? My life has be redirected and I must have more ways to dream and create. So it is time to say farewell to I Am Yoga but it will always be here in my heart. It happened, it was wonderful, challenging, expensive but most of all it was a manifestation of a mother and daughters love. We had six years of an experience that changed my life, changed my daughters lives and many others. I need to remember this: that it will always be a cherished time in my life.
I came head to head with grief and loss. I learned the most important lesson we learn in yoga. We can trust the practice of yoga. I fell in love with teaching yoga and felt this maternal love for anyone who trusted me to be their yoga teacher. I now know that the room or space where I teach is such a small part of yoga. It is the LOVE of teaching from my whole heart that matters. A studio is just a studio. Nothing or no one person can take that away my love of teaching yoga.
Yes there were so many lessons in this past year, and some of them really fucking hurt! Some made me so angry and that anger became a dark place of hurt with so many tears. The tears still come but the anger is gone. And once again I ask myself now what? I ask this of myself often.
And now? I breathe. WTF .. could this actually be "well thats fantastic?"
I settle in. I settle in my seat to see what the next wild and unexpected adventure life has in-store for me. Peace is what I crave and it is now time to settle into this peace to move forward. Keep asking the questions of what I want next in life.
In loving memory of Shannon. How I miss you my feisty sweet friend. I feel your loving spirit guiding me.